In the Beginning
It’s a hot day by the sea of Galilee. JOSH has stopped by a group of fishermen.
JOSH
Follow me, for I will make thee fishers of men.
A short, reflective pause.
SIMON
What if nobody’s drowning?
THOMAS
Huh?
SIMON
I mean, yeah we can fish men outta the water, but they’re not
always in there, are they?
THOMAS
I’d be keen to fish some women too. More so, in fact.
SIMON
So fucking typical.
THOMAS
What? I ‘m just saying.
JUDAS
Is there any money in this? I can’t see how we make money outta
this.
SIMON
It’s not about money, Judas. And I have to say, you’re not doing
our people any favours with that attitude.
JUDAS
There’s nothing wrong with looking out for the bottom line.
THOMAS
Bottom line! Get it?
SIMON
What I mean is, that when society has a pervasive negative
stereotype about an ethnic group, it’s sort of incumbent on
members of that group who wanna be image positive to try and
avoid perpetuating it.
JUDAS
What the fuck are you talking about?
SIMON
The idea that Jews love money.
THOMAS
Hey! That’s racist!
Josh looks at each man as he speaks, his face troubled and perplexed. He turns on his heel and walks away.
JOSH
Come. Follow me.
The men immediately follow in his wake, leaving their boats and equipment behind.
SIMON
[whispered] What are we doing?
THOMAS
[whispered] I dunno. He said follow, then my legs just started
following.
JUDAS
[whispered] Do you reckon this is a paid job?
The group approaches two men caulking a boat, JOHN and ZEBEDEE.
JOHN
Oh for fuck’s sake. We gotta go right now.
ZEBEDEE
What? Why? Those blokes look harmless enough.
JOHN
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Josh et al arrive. Josh locks eyes with ZEBEDEE.
JOSH
Follow me, for I am the truth, the way, and the light.
Josh and his party move on. JOHN and ZEBEDEE put down their tools and follow.
ZEBEDEE
What’s happening?
SIMON
We don’t know either – he just said follow, so we did.
THOMAS
I can’t feel my legs.
JOHN
Oi! Stop! Right fucking now!
Josh stops and turns to face JOHN.
JOSH
What is it, my son?
JOHN
I’m not your son, I’m your older brother! And I wish mum had
dropped you down a well!
JOSH
Our father calls us to prepare for the kingdom of heaven.
JOHN
Does it need tables and chairs?
[Aside] Dad’s a carpenter.
JUDAS
Look. I’m all for helping out, but at the end of the day, rent is rent.
THOMAS
I also notice a distinct lack of women in this party.
ZEBEDEE
Hang on – aren’t you that bloke who turns water into wine?
There is a short silence.
SIMON
I think we should really get ready for this kingdom of heaven thing.
THOMAS
I agree.
JUDAS
What’s wine going for these days? By the dolium, I mean.
Josh walks on, continuing to preach, and his new disciples follow obediently after.
